He Must Manage His Own Household Well (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

Let me walk you through these verses to build you up in your own qualifications for this important work and inform your evaluation of potential pastors within your congregation.

Consider this bit-by-bit:

He must
Just like the character markers in verses two and three, and the ability to teach, this is a “must.” It’s necessary. It’s non-optional. This is black-and-white. If a man does not meet this qualification, he may not be an overseer (pastor).

He must manage
Means preside or rule—to be in charge.

I’ve heard it said (and said myself), that the only skill qualification in this list is the ability to teach. But that’s not exactly true. The overseer must be able to teach; but he must also be able to manage—and demonstrate that management ability in his own household. 

He must manage his own household
Paul emphasizes the personal, distinct nature of the household. A potential overseer must manage his own household well before attempting to manage God’s household.

The ancient concept of the household included marriage, parenting, and financial/logistical matters, like the management of slaves. This is why several of Paul’s letters include what are known as household codes that define the relationships and expectations for husbands, wives, parents, children, slaves, and masters.

There was overlap in the family and work/vocational spheres in the ancient household, just like many in our grandparents’ generation around where I live farmed land that they also lived on, blending family and work responsibilities together.

The closest modern equivalent to this is the family, those living under the same roof and all the responsibilities associated with life under that roof, including financial and logistical matters.

This will look different for each of us. Some have young children; some have adult children who have moved out. Some are married; some are widowers. Some are retired; some are working. But we all have the responsibility to manage our own households.

He must manage his own household well
This is the same word translated “noble” in verse one. It means that an overseer must manage his own household beautifully, excellently, rightly, commendably, and honorably.

Overseeing God’s church is a noble task. Therefore, just as an overseer must be above reproach in his character and able to teach, he must preside over his own household relationships and responsibilities nobly.

But how can we measure this? How can you tell if a man is managing his own household well? Paul gives us an indicator.

He must manage his household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive

Here we have two concepts that have been devalued in our day: dignity and submission. 

Dignity
The man who manages his own household well will have a way with his children that is marked by dignity, which can mean esteem, respect, veneration, honor, and gravity. It’s the idea we use the word “gravitas” to capture. As a hot stove gives off heat, a good household manager gives off dignity in relationship to his children. The man qualified to be an overseer will not come across as a joke in his household.

Now, you might be saying, “I don’t have any children in my home.” That’s okay. Paul didn’t have children and I’m not sure of any indication that Timothy did either. But if you do have children at home, and your conference ministerial board moved in to live with you for a week, what would they observe?

• Dignity or indignity?
• Respect or disrespect?
• Honor or dishonor?
• Gravity or frivolity?

Our culture has degraded the dignity of fatherhood. We have Homer Simpson, Ray Barone, Phil Dunphy expectations for dads now. But fatherhood is serious business in the Bible. We must not be undignified in our parenting.

Submission
Our way with our children should be marked by dignity; our children’s way with us should be marked by submission. This word means something like “arranged under.” It’s a hierarchical idea. Our children should live according to the reality that they are under our authority.

You probably submitted to your father more readily and thoroughly than your children have submitted to you because that used to be the way families worked. But, again, the concept of fatherhood has weakened in our society and, therefore, so has the concept of submission.

Just as we will tend to fail at maintaining a dignified approach to fatherhood, our children will tend to fail at maintaining a submissive approach to childhood. They will be tempted to assert their wills over ours, defy us, and rebel against us. But it’s our job to manage our household in such a way that they submit.

Why is this so important?

He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?
This is an argument from the lesser to the greater. He who is faithful with a little will be faithful with much. Good management of one’s own household demonstrates the potential for good care of God’s church.

Note that the verb changes from manage to care. Care is the same word used to describe how the Samaritan cared for the abused victim in the parable of the good Samaritan. It’s the idea of attending to. The best indicator that a man will be good at caring for God’s church isn’t an impressive educational or ministerial resume (though these are valuable). It’s a well-run household characterized by dignity and respect.

It’s not an easy thing to keep your children submissive. There’s a delicate balance between the dignity and the keeping. It’s the same balance in Ephesians 6:4.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

We must discipline and instruct them, but not in a way that provokes them to anger. We must keep them submissive, but not in a way that diminishes their respect for us. This kind of thoughtful approach to people is what’s needed to oversee God’s church because it’s not only management; it’s care.

So, whether you have a house full of young children, you’re in the thick of raising teenagers, or if you live alone, rededicate yourself to managing your own household well. It’s the essential proving ground for caring for God’s church.