Above Reproach: Husband of One Wife (1 Timothy 3:2)

Pastor, let’s fortify ourselves with scripture so we can “wage the good warfare” for another week (1 Timothy 1:18). We’re in 1 Timothy. The apostle Paul wrote this to his delegate, Timothy, whom he had dispatched to Ephesus to counteract false teachers and care for the church.

We’re in a section dealing with “how one ought to behave in the household of God” (1 Timothy 3:15). In this section, we’ve seen:

  • The call to intercede for leaders so the gospel can continue to spread (1 Timothy 2:1-7)
  • Instruction for men to pray in a holy way (1 Timothy 2:8)
  • Instruction for women to learn in a quiet way (1 Timothy 2:9-15)
  • Instruction about those aspiring to the office of overseer (1 Timothy 3:1-7)

Last week, we saw that overseeing God’s church is a “noble task” (1 Timothy 3:1). This week, we’ll consider the implications of that fact.

Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. (1 Timothy 3:2-3)

“Above reproach” means blameless, not open to credible charges of wrongdoing. Literally, it means something like ‘not apprehended’. It doesn’t mean being sinless. It means being sufficiently mature in Christ that you are not covering up any ongoing unrepentant sin. It means there are no skeletons in the closet. To be above reproach is to have nothing to hide.

Follow the line of thought:

  1. “If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task” (v.1b).
  2. “Therefore and overseer must be above reproach…” (v.2a)

The reason “above reproach” is a must is because the task is noble. Noble work requires noble workmen. To be a truck driver, your driving record must be above reproach. To be a pastor, your character must be above reproach. The verse does not say, “An overseer should strive to become above reproach.” It says, “An overseer must be above reproach.” This isn’t aspirational. This is a mandatory qualification to pastor a church.

To help us understand what “above reproach” looks like more specifically, Paul lists ten examples. We’ll look at the first one this week: “the husband of one wife.” This phrase means a one-woman type of husband.

Because this task is noble, we must be above reproach regarding our marriages. This means no concubines, mistresses, polygamy, or prostitution. I doubt those are temptations for you. But it also means no fornication or adultery—including digital fornication and adultery.

While our culture continues to spiral out of control into all kinds of sexual confusion and perversion, Christians continue to cherish holy singleness and lifelong monogamous marriage. Overseers must be blameless when it comes to these things.

So, pastor, I need to ask you: Are you above reproach regarding marriage?

  • Are you faithful to your wife?
  • Are you cultivating a brotherly relationship with your sisters in Christ?
  • Are you guarding against inappropriately intimate, romantic, or flirtatious relationships with other women?

Pastors are susceptible to falling into reproach in these relationships. But we’re even more vulnerable to falling into sin through our phones and laptops. So, let me ask another direct question: Are you looking at pornography?

This is a hard subject to talk about but talk about it we must. According to Barna Research, roughly 55-65% of pastors and youth pastors admit to having struggled with pornography at some point in their lives. 15-20% admit to struggling with it currently, while in the ministry. The actual percentages may be higher, since it is difficult to admit to these things. If our region is representative of this research, it means that at least ten of us are regularly looking at pornography while attempting to carry out the noble task of pastoral ministry.

Jesus said, “Everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Pornography is unacceptable for God’s overseers. It’s a reproach and an overseer must be above reproach.

So, simply put, if you are looking at pornography, you must repent immediately. Seeking God’s forgiveness and the supernatural power to permanently put pornography behind you is your most urgent task now. It’s more urgent than preparing this week’s sermon or making that hospital visit. It’s more urgent than everything else on your to-do list because, if you do not flee this sin, you will be disqualified from pastoral ministry altogether.

There is grace and forgiveness for you in Christ. There is freedom from this sin through God’s power. So, I don’t encourage you to repent and come into the light. I don’t suggest that you consider confessing your sin and seeking freedom from it. On the authority of God’s word, I command you to. There is no other option. The path of pastoring while looking at pornography is a disastrous dead end that will destroy you, your ministry, your family, and your church.

The Apostle John wrote:

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. (1 John 1:5-10)

Don’t walk another step in darkness. Tell and practice the truth. Walk in the light. Have fellowship with your fellow Christians again. Be cleansed from all your sin by the blood of Jesus Christ. Don’t deceive yourself. Let the truth abide in you. Confess your sins to God, your wife, and the most spiritually mature leader in your church. Receive forgiveness and cleansing.

Now, I know it’s safe and easy for me to write these things, but it’s terrifying and complicated to figure out how to confess a sin like this as a pastor. I pray the Holy Spirit will give you crystal clear conviction and wisdom about exactly how to go about it.

If you want some help thinking through it, feel free to get in touch with me. I have personally experienced pornography’s grip and God’s powerful deliverance from it. Let me share my testimony with you and help you find the way forward. I am not here to condemn you. I love you and I’m here to help you.