Set an Example (1 Timothy 4:12)

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

Timothy was probably between 30 and 35, which was considered young to be in a spiritual leadership role. This meant that some in the church might despise him for his youth.

This word, despise (ESV), is translated look down on in the NIV and NASB. It’s the prefix for down snapped onto the word for think. It’s literally to think down on someone, to consider someone as lower in status or value than you are.

Paul doesn’t want church members to think down on Timothy because of his relative youth, so he tells Timothy to prevent it. “Let no one despise you.”

When Timothy read this, he might have thought, “What am I supposed to do about it? I can’t control how other people think.” He might have remembered Paul saying, “It is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or any human court” when the Corinthians despised him (1 Corinthians 4:3). He might have wondered why he couldn’t adopt that same attitude in his situation. “Let them think what they want to think.”

But, Paul says, “Let no one despise you.” So, we must consider the question: How can a young pastor keep his congregation from taking him lightly? Some of our pastors are in this situation. But the question can be applied more broadly. Regardless of our age, how can we earn the respect of our congregations?

Years ago, I ministered to a blended family experiencing intense friction between the father and the children. The kids would not listen to anything the father said. His technique to gain their respect was to demand it and pout when he didn’t receive it. As you can imagine, this had the opposite effect.

You don’t gain respect by asking for it. You gain respect by being respectable.

Pastor, if you are being disrespected in your church, don’t set your people straight, set your people an example. If you want proper esteem from your people, don’t demand it; deserve it.  

Paul gives five areas to focus on toward this end. First, set an example in your speech. How you talk will determine how people view you.   

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29). “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving” (Ephesians 5:4).

Let your words be few and well chosen. Listen and think before you speak. And just because it’s funny doesn’t mean you should say it. Use your words strategically for the glory of God and the good of your people.

Speak well and people will think well of you.  

Second, set an example in your conduct. If you feel your church is disrespecting you, don’t focus on their conduct. Focus on your conduct.

The more you follow Jesus’ example in your daily life, the more exemplary you’ll become for your people. Live respectably and, in time, their respect for you will grow.

Third, set an example in love. What better occasion to demonstrate love than when you’re despised? Afterall, love is patient, yielding, longsuffering, and quick to forgive (1 Corinthians 13:4-6).

Let any moment you feel disregarded serve as a prompt to bless the individual disregarding you. Say a brief prayer for them. Ask a kind question. Fulfill a small need for them.

Don’t seek your congregation’s esteem. Seek their welfare and their esteem will follow.

Fourth, set an example in faith. Keep deepening your practical belief in God’s truth and promises. Let your people say, “He may be young, but he sure believes what he teaches.” Don’t preach it until you’ve prayed it into operational reality in your life.

Don’t demand that your people put their faith in you. Demonstrate what it looks like to put your faith in God.

Fifth, set an example in purity. The only other time Paul uses this word is in 1 Timothy when instructing Timothy to relate to younger women in the church as sisters, “in all purity” (5:2). It is the idea of practical holiness, especially in relation to relational and sexual matters.

Sexual impurity has never been so relentlessly pressed upon pastors as it is today. You will need to guard against it. Don’t let the casual impurity permeating our society desensitize you to it.

It’s unlikely that you’ll be tempted into physical adultery, although you should maintain boundaries to prevent it. It’s more likely that you’ll follow a seemingly anonymous trail into digital adultery that starts with the sexually impure images and videos the world imbeds everywhere online. If you’re not careful, like the prostitute in Proverbs 7, it’ll seduce you into disaster.

Pastor, please take this seriously.

You will have a hard time convincing me that your heart benefits in any way from watching a movie or show with nudity or explicit sex scenes. I’m not being legalistic; I’m being realistic. These images and ideas enter your mind and memory, then they make their way into your heart and your imagination where they can destroy your marriage and your ministry.

If you are looking at pornography, we have established a first step toward repentance that you can take right now. Call Blue Ridge Christian Counseling. Tell them you are an App Region pastor and need to speak with a counselor. They will connect you with a biblical counselor (likely one who has served as a pastor) and work discretely with the App Region to cover the expenses. They can meet with you virtually. Go ahead and call them now.  

Paul didn’t want the church to look down on Timothy because of youthful shortcomings in these areas. It’s important that a church see in their pastor an example they can follow. It’s important that you be admirable.

Put another way, the best way to let no one despise you is to let not yourself become despicable. If you allow your speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity to erode, you ought not be surprised as the esteem of your church family erodes with it.

Let us continue to develop a culture among our pastors of continual growth in these areas. Let us every be growing in exemplary speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity.